the ultimate bad joke
one word of warning: the guy who told me this joke said that of all the people to whom he had told this joke, i was the first person to ever laugh at the end. there have only been a few others who have laughed since then...


A guy is drinking at a bar, and he looks awful. He's the only one in the bar, and he's downing shots and beer all afternoon. The bartender comes over to him and says, "Buddy, I've seen some sorry souls in this bar, but you've got about the sorriest look that I've ever seen. What's the problem?"

"It's a long story, and you don't want to hear it. Trust me."

"Nonsense. Maybe by telling me about it, it'll help you take a load off. And right now, I've got plenty of time."

The guy looks up from his booze. "You sure?"

"Yeah, shoot."

"Okay, it started when I was just a kid. I was walking to school one morning and I saw some people reading a magazine. I was curious, so I went over and asked them what the name of the magazine was. They said it was 'Purple Passion.' I thanked them for telling me and went on to school.

"Since I made that little side trip, I was late for school. My teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine and I stopped to ask them what it was. She asked me the name of the magazine, and I told her 'Purple Passion,' and she got really mad and sent me straight to the principal.

"The principal wasn't in his office when I got there, but he showed up a few minutes later and asked me why I was there. I told him that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me here.

"'That seems a little unusual,' the principal said. 'What was the name of the magazine?' he asked. 'Purple Passion,' I told him. He turned beet red and yelled at me, saying that I was suspended until further notice and that I should go straight home immediately and that I wasn't allowed to talk to any of the other students.

"So, home I went. I had just come in the door when I saw my mom. She was obviously surprised to see me and asked me why I was home so early. I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me to the principal's office. The principal asked me why I had been sent to him, and I told him that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me there. The principal then asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told him, he got really mad, said I was suspended, and sent me home.

"My mom was pretty startled by all this, as you might well imagine. Then she asked me what the name of the magazine was. 'Purple Passion,' I said. Her jaw hit the floor, then she said, 'Well, I never! You just go straight to your room and I don't want to hear another word out of you until your father talks to you!!!'

"So in my room I waited, all day long. Finally, my dad got home and was soon in my room asking me why Mom had put me in my room for the whole day. I told him that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me to the principal's office. The principal asked me why I had been sent to him, and I told him that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me to the principal's office. The principal then asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told him, he got really mad, said I was suspended, and sent me home. When I got home, Mom asked me why I was home so early, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me to the principal's office. The principal asked me why I had been sent to him, and I told him that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and I asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that made me late for school. When I got to school, my teacher asked me why I was late, and I told her that I saw some people reading a magazine on the way to school and asked them what the name of the magazine was, and that's what made me late. She asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told her, she got really mad and sent me to the principal's office. The principal then asked me what the name of the magazine was, and when I told him, he got really mad, said I was suspended, and sent me home. Mom then asked me the name of the magazine, and I told her, and she got really mad and sent me to my room.

"'That's some story! What was the name of the magazine?' my dad asked. "'Purple Passion,' I told him.

"For a long moment, he didn't say anything, but he was turning beet red. After what seemed like an eternity, he went to my closet, pulled out my two suitcases, threw them to the floor at my feet and told me that I had five minutes to pack, and that I was to leave and never return.

"Ever since then, since I was thirteen, I've been on my own. I've had the roughest life that I could never curse somebody else with. It's been all I could do just to make it to the next day, most times."

"Man, that's the sorriest story I've ever heard. And the name of that magazine was "Purple Passion,' right?"

"Yeah, and I never did find out what all the uproar was about. It ruined my life, and I've never known why."

"You know," said the bartender, "the movie theater across the street is playing a movie called 'Purple Passion.' Maybe you should check it out."

The man's head comes up quickly. "Really? I mean, really?"

"Sure," says the bartender. "The theater's right across the street."

With surprising energy, the downtrodden man leaps from the bar stool, bolts out the door and runs across the street. Halfway across, he gets hit by a big rig and is killed instantly.



The moral of the story:

Look both ways before crossing the street!

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